Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
