just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
