no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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