I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
