he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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