my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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