ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
