Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
