Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
