i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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