i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
40s are totally the cure
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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