Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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