I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
