I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
