Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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