do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
