I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
