Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
