Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
