It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
where are you?
Hypothermia
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
