My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I wish I only lived at night.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
