I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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