Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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