Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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