the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
