my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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