This dress was meant to end up on your floor
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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