I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
