Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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