at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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