yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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