there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
