her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
