I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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