I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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