TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
