that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
