omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize