Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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