I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Pants are for mortals
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
