man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
