Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
