I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
