Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
