Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
