Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
