I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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