I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
