I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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