imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
