her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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