Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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