White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
