doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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