spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Operation Purity has been aborted
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize
