Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
