My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
