Im at strip club and am horny
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize