I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
