when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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