Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
