I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
