good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I fill condoms, not promises.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
