According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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