something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
