No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
