Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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